The decisions we make about our families are some of the most private in our lives, regardless of how rich or poor we are, liberal or conservative, whatever we look like or where we were born.
Yet, I feel compelled to tell you about my family’s experience with in vitro fertilization because of the ruling from the Alabama Supreme Court that embryos created by IVF are considered children. Alabama fertility clinics are changing operations, leaving patients in limbo. Meanwhile, clinics and doctors in other states are braced for what may come next in Alabama and countrywide.
It hardly seems worth pointing out the obvious: Embryos are not children.
In my family, we know that beautiful distinction.
After several years of failed attempts to become pregnant, including IVF, my son-in-law and daughter had resolved themselves to adoption. Then, about 12 years ago, my daughter and son-in-law stood with my husband and me around our kitchen island to share the most wonderful news. My son-in-law had persuaded my daughter to try IVF one last time, and the good news was that this time it had worked. They were expecting! We were cautioned to take it one day at a time, as there was still a long road ahead.
My daughter was monitored weekly under the care of a wonderful IVF doctor near her home.
Early in the pregnancy, the sonogram confirmed twins. It was so exciting! Still, there would be months of concern, of careful monitoring. There were lots of prayers and many milestones to overcome.
Our story progressed as I hope every similar story can. Early in December 2011, my daughter had two beautiful girls. “Joy to the World” never sounded so angelic, and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” will always be our family anthem.
The news from Alabama won’t leave me alone. I have cast my mind back to the time when my daughter was born in 1976. There were so many rights that women had fought for, and won, because we persisted.
Growing up, my daughter knew it. Once, she threatened, without my knowledge, that “her mom” would sue the school district when she was discouraged by a coach from playing flag football with the boys. She knew she had Title IX on her side. The school pictures that year featured her with the flag football team. She played on the team and was embraced by the team because she was darn good.
Over the decades of my career as a labor leader, I watched as politicians tried and often succeeded to divide America along race, gender and citizenship status. I saw the cynical way Senate Republicans stacked the Supreme Court at the end of the administration of President Barack Obama. We all watched as the Supreme Court grew increasingly extreme and out of touch with the American people. So maybe I should claim that I was shocked but not surprised when the majority overturned the landmark 1972 Roe v. Wade decision, ending the right to abortion that had been upheld for nearly half a century.
When it happened though, the truth is that I was shocked and surprised. In some ways, I still am. In part, that’s because of the way that this irresponsible decision has shot uncertainty into every aspect of the legal landscape of this most private aspect of every family, the question of whether and how to have children.
I honestly believed my daughter and granddaughters would always be free to make private medical decisions about their own lives.
The attacks on reproductive rights in this country have just begun, and I suspect that they will become increasingly intrusive, mean and absurd, like the Alabama decision ruling regarding frozen embryos.
Shame on any politician or court that continues to go down the path of sticking politics into the most private decisions that families can make.
The science of IVF helped give us our granddaughters, who bring our family such joy and pride. We read their short stories and poems, attend band performances, piano and bass clarinet recitals. We go to basketball and tennis games, and cross-country meets. Yet, nothing compares to the greatest joy of all, which is simply the two of them. How can I put into words the joy of having them hug us, both sets of grandparents, and to hear them say, I love you Nana, Grandy, Gigi and Papa.
Shame on any politician or court who would dare to go down the path of Alabama’s IVF court ruling. When is enough enough?
It’s time for fellow IVF grandparents around this country to step forward. We must all register to vote and then cast our votes. Let them hear us. Stop this madness.